The Sheer Sweetness of Stillborn Siblings: Why I Marvel at God's Chosen Absence
Okay, so maybe "sweetness" isn't the word most people would use when talking about stillbirth, right? It's... well, it's heartbreaking. It’s a deep, gut-wrenching kind of pain that nobody should have to experience. And yet, lately, I’ve been finding myself thinking about the times my own mom shared with me about her own miscarriages and stillbirths before me and my siblings were finally born, and about how they fit into God's bigger plan. Hear me out, okay?
I know it sounds crazy, and trust me, it's not that I think the loss of these little lives was *good*, exactly. But it got me thinking about how God sometimes works in ways that are completely beyond our understanding, ways that seem, at first glance, totally unfair. It reminded me of Job, honestly. Remember him? He lost everything - his kids, his wealth, his health - but through it all, he still praised God. “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked I will depart. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised” (Job 1:21). That verse…it always hits me hard. It’s not about glossing over pain, it’s about acknowledging God’s sovereignty even when we’re in the deepest pits.
For my mom, it wasn't just one loss, it was several. She'd told me, sometimes with a wet cheek and other times with that strong, knowing look in her eye, that each time it felt like a little piece of her heart was torn out. She’d often say, "I couldn't understand then why God would take them, but I know He has His reasons." As a kid, I never really *got* it, but now, as a young adult who is trying to figure out my own place in this world, I get what she means.
It makes me think of Lamentations 3:33, "For he does not willingly bring affliction or grief to anyone." It's true! God doesn't want us to suffer. But sometimes the path to His greater purpose involves difficult experiences we can't comprehend right away. It’s like…we’re looking at a tapestry from the back. All we see are knots and tangled threads, and it makes no sense. But God, He's seeing the whole, beautiful image from the front.
I know a lot of people struggle with this. Why does God allow babies to die? Why does He allow suffering? These are hard questions. And I don’t pretend to have all the answers. What I’ve found, though, is that leaning into my faith, even when it’s uncomfortable, is the only way I can find peace. It’s not about understanding *why*, it’s about trusting that God has a plan that’s far grander than my own.
There’s a verse in Romans that I’ve clung to: "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose" (Romans 8:28). Now, that doesn’t mean that everything that happens is good *in itself*. It means that God is able to take the most painful, messy, and confusing parts of our lives and use them for His ultimate glory. It’s a beautiful concept, even if it's hard to grasp when your heart is aching.
My mom’s story has shaped my perspective in so many ways. It's taught me resilience, for one. And it's taught me to appreciate every day. More importantly, it's taught me to see even the hardest things in life, not as random acts of chaos, but as potential pieces of God’s plan. I know that might sound a little too "spiritual" for some, but it’s how I make sense of the world. It's how I find comfort and hope even when faced with the inexplicable.
So, how do you all make sense of the hard parts of life? Are there biblical moments that have been particularly challenging, or particularly meaningful in shaping your perspective on faith? I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments. Let's keep growing together, trying to see the whole tapestry, even when the threads seem knotted and confusing.